No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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