so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
