Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
