Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
