She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
