wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
