Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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