Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
