And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
