She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
