I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
