I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
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Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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