I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
