ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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