We're facebook friends in real life
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
