i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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