I'm going to rape someone's good day.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
