Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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