I heard we made out
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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