Swine flu. Run for my life!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
