he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
