Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
