I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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