sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
