Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
bring money and cleavage
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
