cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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