i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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