id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
