We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
