im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
