it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
