i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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