your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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