U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
cat food counts as protein by the way
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
