Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
