Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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