evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you had me at cake vodka
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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