I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
