so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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