I bet he comes in French.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
