She is in my trunk
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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