i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
