why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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