that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
