we have officially lost it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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