Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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