Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
