so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
