My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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