you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I touched a dick in church today
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
