dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
