We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
