capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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