I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
