dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
