His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
