alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
