Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my shit smells like andre
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
