An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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