Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
