I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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