My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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